Monday, August 9, 2010

i'm a romantic.
Not a cinderella-romantic. Although I love Disney.
i'm a Wordsworth romantic: (example) "For I have learned to look on nature, not as in the hour of thoughtless youth, but hearing oftentimes the still, sad music of humanity"

Lately, things in my life have seemingly shifted but on the surface have stayed the same. Like a leaf in the wind.

Love. Life. Living Life. Loving Life. Living to Love. The last one fits most clearly.

No matter what we tell people, no matter of what we try to convince ourselves, we want to love and be loved. And don't worry, it's not narcisistic to say so either.

A heartache can reak havoc on us more than we first believe. It's silent. Not concrete. Hard to explain the emotions we feel. It's like a ghost ship that has sunk but keeps haunting.
Sometimes we believe we're in the clear, we're ok. Usually that's the last hurdle to overcome, usually the hardest.

I think it's safe to say i'm ready. Ready for life again. i've had a great run in the last couple years. I've conquered fears. I moved to another country for Grad school. But I think it took coming back home, a reconnection with myself, to make me realize a few things; I pondered so many times: when will I not feel like a little girl anymore? I still feel that way, yet now their is a strong peace, that makes me feel like a warrior.
During an escapade on the Bay, nature was in line with my soul, thoughts pure; As the ocean lay before me, welcoming me, embracing my soul, I asked myself: Am I ready? Ready to love again? ...which is to say: am i ready to let go?


No one really wants to be alone.

It is possible to be with oneself. Meditation brings me there.

But dang it - I still want someone with whom I'll drink my coffee in the early morning light.


Jaderbomb said...

SO great!!!!!

Wintersleep_Girl said...

i love this

Anonymous said...

To Be Alone by Jim Morrison

to be alone
and watch the dawn
It could create
a silly song
About a girl
I used to know
She was the star
of the lost side show

She wasn't me
She wasn't you
Beleive you me
Knew what to do

& say to a man on
the end of his tether
"Hey, fine handsome
Man, there'll be a change
in the weather"

So what am I
Supposed to do
Just sit alone
& chew my shoe
I need a love
No more than she
& yet no less
& no regrets

If you can fll me in
on my Telephone
I'd be a sadder,
wiser son of a gun

I'll just this
about all that
I was the mouse
who caught the cat

I dont intend
To give you no points
of veiw

I just mean to tell
You--I'm alone

(No one should have to be alone,
and no one should have to chew their shoe
For him she wasn't he,
and for him it wasn't her
As for me
I know,
and I know well,
that she
for me
is you)